Leaving Fear Behind

Some of us are afraid to close the door to the past and move into the new. But I hope that this encounter that I had with the Lord gives you the strength to move on as well.

A few nights ago, the Lord asked me to take communion with Him. I got my elements – or at least what I had in the house - and sat down.

Suddenly, I saw myself kneeling at the foot of the throne, sobbing before Jesus, who sat on the throne. He came down from His position to comfort me on the ground.

Tears started flowing out of my eyes as I realised that there were still parts of my heart that were still holding on to the last season. I didn’t want to completely let go. Letting go is difficult, especially when we don't know what's going to come or where the Lord may lead us. I just cried and I cried, and I cried as I sat with Jesus. I poured out my heart before him, releasing the parts of my heart that He wanted before I took the elements. I knew that He had asked me to take communion because He was reminding me that we we're entering a new season, yet again, where I couldn’t take certain things of the past along with me. I have learnt that communion is significant as in my heart it can signify moving forward or turning the page and it represents a heart posture of “I want to walk with you Jesus and I don’t want to take anything else with me or allow anything of the past to get in the way of what You want to do or where you’re leading me.”

As I took the elements, Jesus took me into a vision. We had walked through the door to the old season and were standing in a waiting room. The waiting room sat between the old and the new seasons and had two doors on either side. It was like a passageway or an ‘in-between’ place. The door to the old season remained open and I looked at it, hesitant to close it completely.

Jesus turned to me and said, “Are you ready? Are you ready to close the door?”

He just let me cry. I wept because there's a scripture in Revelation 3 this says, “The doors that He closes no one can open and the doors that he opens no one can close.” So, I knew that after closing the door, it couldn't be opened ever again. He knew that I didn’t want to close the door. He knew how difficult it was for me.

There’s a grief about letting go of the past - about letting go of things that we do love and cherish; about the memories we hold dearly and the chapters that we have lived in for decades. But He holds us in that grief. He completely understands the difficulty of that grief – of the shedding and releasing and letting go. He doesn’t condemn us for feeling pain. He doesn’t judge us for wanting to hold on. He isn’t demanding or forceful, commanding us to just let it go. Instead, He is patient and kind. He wants to lead us into the greater things He has for us, but He is gentle in the way He leads us to follow Him. He knows that we can be afraid of the things unseen, but He provides us with such a peace in knowing that He holds us and our future – that He has good plans. And so, He just held me as I cried. He waited. He comforted. He was patient and quiet. He let me release the deep emotions in my heart.

And when I was ready, Jesus helping me, I took a step of faith and closed the door.

We stood together in the waiting room, and I saw the next door to the right of me, waiting to be entered. He continued to let me cry and held me warmly in His arms.

But then He gestured towards the next door, and again He asked, “Are you ready?”

With tears pooling heavily in my eyes, I shrugged and looked towards the floor, “I don’t know. I don’t know if I’m ready. I’m scared,” I cried.

Suddenly, as those words escaped my mouth, I realised that there was someone, something, else in the room with us. Fear. The Spirit of fear was trying to keep me there in that waiting room. In that past season. He was attempting to hold me in the one spot, instilling fear of the unknown, feeding me lies that the Lord didn’t really have anything better for me and thus, keeping me from moving forward. It was as though fear was convincing me to continue holding the precious gemstones I had been given close to my chest, when Jesus knew that He was going to take me into a place of glorious riches – where there were many precious jewels, far more beautiful and valuable than the ones I held in my hands.

Once I recognised the enemy, I grabbed a hold of Jesus’ hands and said with a sense of urgency, “Let’s go! Let’s do it! Let’s open that door and move forward because that enemy is not coming with me where we’re going! He is staying here! Because he’s had too much influence. We’re going forward, we’re leaving him here.”

And so, Jesus handed me the keys, dangling them in front of me, and said, with a wide smile on His face, “Do you want to do the honours?”

I reached for the keys, but hesitated because that fear still had an influence over me. It was still present in the room with us. But I knew that what I had to do was to just take the step of faith, despite the fear that lingered.

I took the keys from him and turned towards the door. I slotted them into the lock, turned the key and stopped. I took a deep breath, releasing all the tension in my body and building up the courage to take the next step.

As I did this - as I stopped to take a breath - fear still holding on, Jesus showed me an image. He reminded me of the past room, however this time with fresh eyes. It was filled with thistles and dried trees. Everything is dead, dull and void of life. It was sad. Immediately after, He showed me a glimpse of what was laying beyond that next door. He was pouring out His grace, to develop my confidence and my ability to step out in faith. The space beyond the door was a world that was so vibrant, full of colour and life. It was a world where all the colours exceeded my imagination, where there are rivers of refreshment. There were places where you could just go and rest your head on pillowy mounds of grass, within the shade beside quiet streams.

Without having to say a word, Jesus knew what I was thinking, “Of course I want that! The enemy has been making me think that I want that dead season, when you have this for me!”

He smiled, warmly.

And so, nervously, I pushed open the door and walked through. As soon as we had entered, I turned around and urged Jesus, “Shut the door! Shut it! Shut it behind us! Shut it! Shut it!” I knew that once the door was closed, no one could open it, and if the enemy was still in the waiting room, then he was being left behind. So, Jesus closed the door behind us, leaving the dead season and fear in the past.

What he opens, no one can close; and what he closes, no one can open. We have officially entered the new season.

I turned to Him and asked, “What now?” The rush of adrenaline slowly fading away, a peace settling in my spirit.

“How about you go and explore,” He suggested, giving me the freedom to roam.

“Well, can you show me?” I asked, not wanting to explore this new land alone.

He smiled, with a look as if to say, “It would be my pleasure.”

We started walking, side by side, around the new land. We walked over a wooden bridge that stretched across a flowing river. A waterfall sat just on my left, flowing heavily with water that glimmered like crystals. I could hear the peaceful rush of water and the gentle chirp of birds. It sounded fresh, clear and clean. I sounded free. Once we walked over the bridge, we walked onto a luscious green pasture that stretched out wide. Trees lined the outside and the grass was pillowy and soft. We walked out into the open space and Jesus turned to me, “There’s someone that I want you to meet, Ange.” I cried, because I knew exactly who it was – the new connection that I had been waiting and praying for.

“They have been here in the land of promise, waiting for you to get here,” He continued.

His eyes were filled with a love so pure that it washed me from the inside out. His gaze was so kind that I couldn’t help but cry in His presence. He knew what I had long desired. He knew all that I had surrendered. And the very thing that I had lost and waited patiently for…the very thing that I had continued to believe for, even when the chances seemed bleak, was the first thing that He wanted to give to me here in the new out of His love and kindness.

Friend, if the enemy is trying to keep you in the old season out of fear of what lies ahead, I want you to recognise that. I want you to recognise that that IS the enemy. He doesn't want you to move forward because he knows what you're walking into, and he knows that he's not going to be allowed to come with you. But the Lord wants you to know that He has somewhere so much better prepared for you. That the old season is dead, and everything with it is dead and dull. But you just don't recognise it because you're filled with fear. But what the Lord has for you is vibrant and full of life; full of refreshment, full of new promises, full of fruit, full of the fulfilment of promises that He's given you. And it is not just a fulfilment of those promises, it exceeds your imagination. It exceeds your greatest desire. Because that's just how good he is.

So close that door…and open the new one and leave the enemy in the waiting room. Because once that door is closed…no one can open it.